


suddenly, the sunlight

by hollyhobbit101



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: But Mostly Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e10 Austin We Have A Problem, Feelings, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, tk and carlos have a Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: "I want to work things out between us."T.K.'s voice is barely above a whisper, but he feels like he's shouting, it's so quiet out here. Carlos turns to look at him, but T.K. can't meet his eyes. He can't see the hope in them; he thinks it might be the thing that finally breaks him.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 10
Kudos: 247





	suddenly, the sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> Title from All I've Ever Known from the musical Hadestown. 
> 
> Ya girl finally managed to watch Lone Star in full and shsjhdafjakfl I love it. Anyway, have these two idiots sharing feelings and falling in love.

"I want to work things out between us."

T.K. still has Carlos's hand clasped in his, and he feels it twitch as he shifts to look over at him. He keeps his own eyes trained on the sky, refusing to see whatever hope or worry or sympathy is in Carlos's. He doesn't think he'd be able to bear it, not right now.

"But you're right," he continues, breathing out shakily. "We barely even know each other."

"We've got time." Carlos's voice is soft, understanding, but T.K. shakes his head, closing his eyes.

"No," he says. "I can't - I need -" He sighs, frustrated. "There are some things that can't wait."

He half expects Carlos to crack a joke here, or make a comment, or say anything really - but he doesn't. The silence soothes him, allows him to breathe for a moment and collect his thoughts into one. He stares down at their linked hands and, for a brief moment, T.K. wishes that they could just enjoy the night, like any other couple. One step at a time, and all that.

But, T.K. knows that, if they're ever going to take that first step, he needs to make this one first. Step Zero, of sorts.

"I, uh, I got some serious baggage, Carlos," he starts.

"Okay."

T.K. does look at him then, confused at the lack of curiosity in his voice, but Carlos just shrugs.

"I'm a cop, T.K. I've seen some shit too."

T.K. nods; he knows, on that point at least, they understand each other. Carlos gets the stresses of the job in a way that none of his other partners ever did, especially not Alex. Still.

"Right, but that's not - I don't mean on the job." He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. It doesn't work. "You remember I told you about my breakup? And - and my relapse?"

Carlos nods, waiting, ever patient, and T.K. feels that familiar warmth in his stomach that he so often gets around him.

"Well, I, uh, I just..."

_Fuck._

He'd thought it would be easier this time, because he's already said the words, because this is _Carlos_. But that's the problem isn't it - this _is_ Carlos. Perfect Carlos. Too-good-to-be-true Carlos. Carlos, around whom T.K. thinks he can finally feel again.

And it's fucking terrifying.

He shudders out a breath and squeezes his eyes shut, tears beginning to well up in them. Carlos's hand slips from his, and T.K. thinks that he's ruined it all over again, but then the car creaks as Carlos sits up and there's a hand on T.K.'s face, brushing the wetness from his cheeks.

"Hey," Carlos murmurs, far gentler than T.K. deserves. "Whatever is it, I'm here. In whatever way you want me to be, even if it is just as a friend. I promise."

T.K. opens his eyes, and something inside him cracks wide open as he stares up at Carlos. His heart aches, perhaps a warning, perhaps a blessing, but T.K. knows now he can't run from the pain anymore.

"My ex," he says, moving so they're both lying on their sides, facing each other. "I was in love with him. We didn't have the best relationship, in hindsight, but at the time it felt perfect, even though we were moving so fast. I thought, for the longest time - even after I moved here - that he was my soulmate and all that shit. I wanted to marry him."

T.K. shakes his head, pushes aside a bitter laugh. "We hadn't even moved in together at that point, but I was convinced. So I bought a ring, I asked him to dinner, and he told me that he'd been cheating on me with his trainer."

"T.K., I'm sorry," Carlos says.

"I don't really remember what happened after that; it's a bit of a blur. Feels like the next thing I knew was I was sitting on my couch with a bunch of pills, even though I'd promised my dad I'd never touch them again after I overdosed when I was twenty."

T.K. hears Carlos's sharp intake of breath, and he winces. They're in dangerous territory now, the make-or-break shit that could send him running for the hills. But he's started now; he can't stop even if he wanted to.

"I OD'd - again." His voice is barely above a whisper now, but he may as well be shouting it's so quiet here. "My dad, my team, they saved me, and we moved here pretty much right after. I guess I didn't... I never really had a chance to process it all, you know?"

A lump rises in his throat, and he has to force it down, looking away from Carlos. The silence stretches out, on the brink of becoming uncomfortable, but T.K. doesn't think he has any more words left in him, much as he wishes he did. Part of him wants to know what Carlos is thinking; the other part wants more than anything to run before he can get burned again. His addiction's caused him too much trouble with previous boyfriends, and T.K. is pretty sure it was part of the reason why Alex left him. Carlos doesn't seem like that kind of guy - T.K. knows he isn't, really - but his heart won't stop hammering in his chest, and the instinct to _get out_ is only getting stronger by the second.

Then a hand slips into his own and Carlos presses their foreheads together. "I'm sorry you went through all that, T.K.," he whispers. "But you're not alone anymore; you've got your team, and your dad...and me, if you want."

T.K. meets his eyes. "I do. I do, I just -"

"Okay, then." Carlos smiles, that stupid, insufferable, gorgeous smile, and T.K. suddenly feels sick.

"Carlos..." He sighs. "I told you that I've felt numb, ever since I left New York. You make me feels things, strong things. And it scares me to death. I want something with you, I really do, but I'm not ready to go all in yet. I can't. I wish I could, but... I just can't."

"That's okay."

"No, it's not, I -"

"Listen," Carlos says, and T.K. shuts up, nervously biting his lip. "We can figure it out as we go. I don't care how long it takes."

"Really?" Carlos's hand squeezes his, and, for once, T.K. dares to hope.

"Really." He grins. "Besides, you, Tyler Kennedy, are worth the wait."

T.K. groans. "You had to go and ruin it, didn't you?"

But he's laughing, and Carlos's hand feels right in his own, and when Carlos kisses him - brief and feather-light, nothing like the passion of their earlier hook-ups - that feels right too.

And, a few hours after the world nearly ended, with his arms wrapped around the man he knows he's going to fall in love with, T.K. Strand is at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr! @morganaspendragonss


End file.
